I constantly suffer from a feeling of homesickness, but why? It doesn’t matter where I am – even if I am at home – I still get the feeling of homesickness in the pit of my stomach. Now, it doesn’t happen every day, but it happens often enough that I used to think something was wrong with me. Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt like this. When I was a kid, I used to wonder what was wrong with me and why I never felt at home. Now as I’ve gotten older, I think I have it figured out. I don’t feel at home at a certain place. My house? Nope, doesn’t matter. Work? Nope, doesn’t matter either. Family’s house? Nope, that doesn’t matter at all. So what gives?
I never realized how much tension I hold in my body until I meditated this morning. I’ve been having issues with my shoulders and neck causing me pain and stiffness – probably because of sitting behind a computer screen most of the day.
We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.
Self love and self confidence is a long and often hard road full of shadow work, fear, and stress. The unknown is a scary thing, and in today’s world we are bombarded with words and imagery that make us question our self love. We are taught to hate ourselves, because hate is fuel for the fire of capitalism. If we didn’t hate our bodies, cosmetic surgery wouldn’t be necessary. If we didn’t hate our waist size then diet fads, waist trainers, diet pills, and all those other products that are sold to us to make us love ourselves wouldn’t be necessary.
I’ve always got several ideas popping around in my mind for my website, business, and podcast. My problem is that my day job takes a lot out of me sometimes, as well as raising a child to be happy and healthy, and sometimes I have no energy to work on the things I want to do.
I don’t know what it is about this seasonal transition, but it has always been one of my favorites. I love walking outside in the morning and seeing the sky turn shades of orange and pink. The smell of new-blooming flowers. The scent of crisp morning dew on the grass.
I’m going to be candid with you. I have a mental illness. Actually, I’ve got several. I’m diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and show symptoms of OCD. All according to psychiatrists and therapists that I’ve seen over the years. I actually have another appointment soon to be seen again because things are becoming hard. Again.
This past weekend, we went on an adventure. Here in Central Oregon you have the ability to purchase a permit to go cut your own tree down rather than paying the $50-ish dollars for the ones they bring in specifically to sell. So, that’s what we did!
Recently, we went to the Bacon, Brews, and Balloons Festival here in Redmond, Oregon, and a thought struck me as I watched these hot air balloons inflate. I was also thinking about how scary it would be (for me, at least) to be up in a hot air balloon. Think about it, though. You can’t control where it goes once it is in the air. There’s no way to steer a hot air balloon and the only thing you can control is the altitude! A good hot air balloon pilot can plot out their course based on extensive review of the weather and wind maps, but that can all change relatively quickly.